


Old Wounds, New Scars

by graysonsflight



Series: Lost and Found [16]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Brothers bonding, Dick is a little bit of a train wreck, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Jason swears a lot, Nightmares, Pit Talk, batfam, some blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24862384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graysonsflight/pseuds/graysonsflight
Summary: Dick and Jason both have things they'd rather not talk about, but a night of bad dreams, and an accidental knife wound, are the perfect opportunity to share things they've been avoiding.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Mentioned Dick Grayson/Barbara Gordon
Series: Lost and Found [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/58469
Comments: 20
Kudos: 145





	Old Wounds, New Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there humans :) This should help to fill in a little more about Dick and Jason's relationship in _Metus_ of my _Lost and Found_ series in general - but you don't have to read any of the rest of that to enjoy this. Please just note that Dick left Gotham and discovered a very alive Jason Todd in Europe. I appreciate your support! (Also thank you to Bb, Gem, and Syn for the beta testing on this bad boy - and to Aurora for making me go _oh yeah I need to finish that thing_ )

Something was wrong. Before he could even open his eyes, the sound of muffled screams shattered against the back of Dick’s mind, their sharp edges ripping wounds into his subconscious. He didn’t give himself the time to process it.

Dick launched himself up from the couch; the tangle of blankets tripped him up for a minute before he was able to pull himself free. He looked around the room, hands up as his eyes adjusted to the dim moonlight fluttering in through the window. Another scream pierced the air, rattling Dick’s bones – but giving him direction.

“Jay?” he called out, pieces of logic starting to snap themselves together in the fog of his mind. “Jason!” Dick rushed towards the bedroom door, shaking the hinges in his panic. The cries of pain that he heard were coming from the bed, where his little brother’s body thrashed, snarling itself deeper and deeper into the sheets.

There were hundreds of reasons he shouldn’t have done it, but not a single one of them mattered. Dick surged forward without hesitation, one hand moving to Jason’s shoulder as the other ripped away the blanket that hand somehow managed to tangle itself around the younger man’s throat.

“C’mon, Jason,” he whispered, shaking gently, his mind trying to remember what Bruce had done when _he_ had night terrors as a child. He carefully slid his hand down, his fingers brushing over Jason’s pulse point as he cupped his face.

“It’s not real,” he tried to soothe, voice louder this time, trying to pull Jason back into the conscious world and away from whatever monsters he fought. He breathed a sigh of relief as Jason’s body stilled, his blue green eyes blinking open slowly.

“Hey,” Dick smiled. “You’re okay. I’ve got – ”

Jason’s left hand flew up around Dick’s throat, strong fingers immediately working to crush his windpipe. Spots of staticky blackness danced their way across Dick’s vision before he could so much as flinch.

“ _Jay_ ,” he gasped, both of his hands coming up, attempting to pry the fingers loose. He knew this wasn’t Jason’s fault – knew that the younger man wasn’t in control of his actions. Dick didn’t want to hurt him – didn’t want – “ _Fuck,”_ he hissed, a steel blade drawing a line along his jaw.

Dick still didn’t want to hurt him, but he wasn’t super interested in having his throat slit either; he gave into his survival instincts. He jerked back from the knife, his elbow slamming down on the hand that held it as his other one slipped into the single-handed choke hold, and twisted, doing the best he could to not break Jason’s thumb.

Another scream fought its way out of Jason’s mouth as the knife clattered to the floor. Dick leapt back, getting himself out of striking distance. He watched, feeling the blood trickling down his neck, not daring to move.

Slowly, like coming out of a trance, Jason shook his head from side to side. He flexed the fingers of both hands, looking down at them in disbelief.

“You with me – or are you going for the knife again?” Dick asked, swiping his hand across his jaw, intensely aware that less than half an inch lower, and he’d be currently bleeding out on the floor.

Jason snapped his eyes to him, still breathing noticeably heavy. “You’re bleeding?” he asked, his eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to understand. They dropped to the ground where the knife still lay between them.

“ _Fucking hell_ , Dick!” Jason shouted, pushing himself as far away as he could. “Are you tryin’ to get yourself killed?”

Dick yanked his tank top off as he sunk down to the floor, kicking the knife under the bed as he went. He pressed the fabric against his jaw with a smile he was too tired to actually feel.

“You were having a nightmare. What else was I supposed to do?”

“Not get your throat slit!”

Dick snorted, pressing the wadded up cloth tighter. “You caught my jaw, lucky you it’s so well defined.”

“Lucky _me?_ ” Jason spat. “Dipshit, I could have _killed you._ ”

“You didn’t though.”

“I told you this wasn’t a good idea.”

“Hey now,” Dick scolded, moving to stand back up. “Ease up on yourself, it was an accident.”

“Fuck you.”

Dick shrugged: “Look, it saves us both money and honestly? I’ve missed you Jay. I can put up with a few nightmares.”

“I’m not the only one who screams in the middle of the night,” Jason said defensively, his body still shaking.

With a heavy sigh, Dick pushed himself off the wall. “Come on, let’s grab something to eat.” He made his way into the kitchen, trusting Jason to follow him.

“I’m not eating another bowl of cereal.”

“Toast then?” Dick offered, already starting to pull out the bread and butter one handed, his other still holding his shirt to his face.

Jason came over and shoved him gently out of the way. “You are so fucking useless, go get yourself cleaned up and I’ll worry about food.”

Dick did as he was told, trying not to be anxious as he watched Jason pull a clean knife from the drawer. He flicked the light on in the bathroom and dropped his now ruined tank top in the sink. The cut was thin and not too deep, but it was bleeding like a face wound. He tried stretching his jaw and could feel it reopening the places where it had started to scab. It would likely scar – because his body didn’t have enough of those.

“What are we making?” he called out as he switched on the taps.

“ _We_ are making nothing,” Jason called. “ _I’m_ making grilled cheese.” Dick inhaled slowly, watching himself smile in the mirror. Food was how Jason apologized.

“I smell bacon,” he called back.

“Hurry up and I might let you eat it.”

Dick laughed to himself as he washed his hands and then started to scrub the blood from his face. He fished around in their always-open first aid kit for the antibacterial cream and the skin glue, already trying to come up with a story for work. It was thin enough, and the club dark enough, that not too many people would notice. He figured he could always say he cut himself shaving. That had always been one of Bruce’s favorite excuses. With a steady hand, he applied the skin glue, sealing the cut up around the edges, breathing through the sting. It would have to do. He dropped his shirt into the wastebasket before heading back out to the kitchen.

“Not that I’m complaining,” he said, eyeing Jason from a safe distance. “But why the bacon in the grilled cheese?”

“It’s called protein, people eat it. And I am so done letting you do the grocery shopping.” Jason replied without turning back to look at him. Dick could feel how uncomfortable he was, knew that the guilt was probably eating him up inside. And it had been a stupid mistake; Dick _knew_ Jason slept with a weapon. He figured he was probably lucky it had been a knife and not a gun.

“How do you know how to do all this?” he asked, trying still to ease the tension.

“Cook?” Jason asked, his hands busy. “It isn’t rocket science, Dickie. Besides, while you were out running around with your team or Babs, I spent time in the kitchen with Al.”

Dick closed his eyes, her name another blow against his mind. Jason too froze in his movements, his shoulders bunching up around his ears.

“ _Shit_ ,” Jason hissed, turning to look at him over his shoulder. “I didn’t mean… I know you don’t…” Barbara had been one of the things they had agreed not to talk about.

“It’s fine,” Dick whispered, scrubbing his hands over his face, wincing as they brushed his fresh wound. “She’s just… she’s going to hate me.”

Jason snorted, flipping the sandwiches. “I don’t think Barbie could ever hate you. I mean, you’ve done plenty of stupid shit before and the two of you always – ”

“She told me she loved me.”

“ _Oh shit_.”

“Yup,” Dick sighed. “She told me she loved me, begged me not to leave and then…” he trailed off, what he’d done pretty evident.

Jason finished the sandwiches and set one down in front of Dick with a thunk. “So she finally actually _says_ she loves you and you tell her you have to go?”

Dick winced, refusing to meet his eyes, knowing it was worse.

“You didn’t tell her, did you? _No_ , I bet you straight up lied, told her you’d stay.”

Instead of answering, Dick pulled a pair of water bottles from the fridge and handed one to Jason, still refusing to meet his eyes and see the accusation there. Jason had always been protective of Babs and had told Dick off on more than one occasion for how he’d handled different things. But Dick had had no idea how to explain just how complicated things were, not back then, and certainly not to his little brother, when all of a sudden their two year age difference had felt like a lifetime.

“You’re a fucking moron,” Jason said with a shake of his head.

“ _Yeah,”_ he agreed. “I’m aware.”

They both sat in silence as they ate, Dick’s mind torn between his own mistakes and morbid curiosity as to what Jason must have been dreaming about. He wanted to ask, but he knew he wasn’t allowed to – another thing on the list of what they had agreed not to talk about when they’d started living together.

“You say her name at night,” Jason almost whispered, interrupting his thoughts. “Did you know that?” Evidently nightmares and Barbara were both fair game after all.

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about it?”

“I said we couldn’t talk about _my_ dreams Dickie, I never said anything about yours.”

Dick smiled tightly, the knots in his stomach twisting. “I think I’ve shared enough for one night, thanks.”

“Coming to with your hands covered in blood is a little more than breaking hearts,” Jason deadpanned, his sandwich halfway to his mouth. Dick lets the silence between them stretch. A part of him wanted more than anything to know, but he doesn’t want to push, doesn’t want to scare Jason into not talking about it. This was closer to the truth of what had happened than Jason has ever allowed before.

“So you…” Dick tried, clearing his throat. “ _You’ve_ …”

“Killed some people? _Yeah, Dick_. I’ve killed _a lot_ of people. Don’t ask me for a number because I don’t know. I spent a little over a year as a shadow, there’s a lot I don’t remember.”

“Talia,” Dick hissed, all but dropping the last of his sandwich back to his plate.

“Ra’s too occasionally,” Jason added with a nod, his voice more tired than anything. “There’s whole days, weeks maybe, where I don’t remember anything. I would come to, her hands in my hair, telling me that I had done such a good job.” He paused, and Dick watched as Jason looked back down at his hands. Dick’s throat still ached from the feeling of those fingers wrapped around it.

“Jay… you don’t – ”

“I’d be covered in blood,” he continued, his voice a whisper. “More often than not, she’d be pulling the pistol or the sword from my hands, the whole time just telling me how _proud_ she was.” He shook his head, eyes finally coming to rest on Dick, the green just a little brighter than he was used to. “The Lazarus Pit, it twists things… it’s like… Like Death knows she got cheated and sometimes I can still hear her inside me, calling – _demanding_ more…” he blinked his eyes a few times, as if only then he realized what he had said.

“Death,” Jason continued, his voice stronger now, less distant. “She’s a jealous bitch and he does _not_ like being cheated. She makes that real clear, particularly when I’m trying to sleep.”

Dick swallowed again, his hands pressed into the wood of their table as he tried to sort through the new information. It was more than Jason had been willing to share in the last two months they had been together.

“So that…uh,” Dick cleared his throat, trying to find the right thing to say. “Is _that_ what you see when you…when you’re dreaming?”

Jason shrugged noncommittally. He shoved more of his sandwich into his mouth, probably hoping to avoid responding at all.

Dick was _aware_ of what Jason did to make money. He _knew_ his little brother had become a mercenary, but Jason had assured him there were rules. No women, no children, and since he’d gotten away from Talia and the Shadows, he’d _tried_ for less lethal shots, when he could. They’d danced around the topic a few times, Jason always throwing up walls and Dick a little too afraid to ask. Listening, Dick could tell the blood lay heavy on Jason’s conscience.

“Do you…” he tried, his eyes finding the wall just above Jason’s head. “Do you want me to keep trying to wake you up or…”

“I’d like you to not get yourself killed.”

Dick snorted, his gaze finally falling down to meet Jason’s. “I had it under control. So you nicked me a little, big deal.”

Jason shook his head again, a sarcastic snort of laughter forced from his lungs. “I’m serious, tonight wasn’t even that bad – it was a _normal_ nightmare. You wake me up in the middle of a Pit dream, and I won’t have any idea where I am. I’ll barely know _who_ I am, so I’m sure as fuck not going to know that it’s my dumbass big brother trying to make sure I’m okay. That cut,” he said gesturing with his free hand. “You and I both know that was lucky. You could have died, Dick. Half an inch, and I would have killed you.”

He knew it wasn’t exactly the time for it, but Dick couldn’t help the smile that found its way onto his face.

“You called me your big brother,” he grinned. Jason hadn’t called him that since _before_ and the warmth that filled his chest was fantastic.

“Of course _that’s_ what you took from this,” Jason scolded. “You’re such a sap.”

“Oh no,” Dick corrected, grabbing hold of both of their empty plates. “I’ve learned a lot tonight. You’re going to do the shopping, and if I’m good, you’ll even let me eat the food.”

“Why did you even buy the bacon if you knew you couldn’t cook it?”

Dick shrugged, his smile stretching even wider. “I remembered that you liked it.”

“You’re a train wreck.”

“No, I’m your _big brother_.”

“Seriously Dick,” Jason said, his arms crossed tightly around his chest like he was trying to hold his emotions in check. “Don’t do that again. I could kill you.”

“You could,” Dick nodded, leaning back against the counter to keep the distance Jason so obviously wanted.

“Why are you being so flippant about this?”

“Are you expecting me to, what? Leave?”

“Yeah, actually!” Jason tensed, looking for all the world like he was waiting to be hit. It made Dick’s heart hurt.

“Listen, Jay,” he moved closer, squatting down on his heels as he tried to make himself level with Jason’s eyes. “I have let you down a thousand times before this. I’m going to be here as long as you’ll let me.”

Dick had learned things tonight. He had learned a little bit more about Jason’s life after his death and it terrified him. He had learned that Jason’s nightmares were worse than he’d thought. That he needed to be more careful, needed to at least be more aware of Jason’s hands when he tried to wake him up – because Dick knew he’d do it again. He’d do whatever he could to save Jason from himself.

“I am _not_ going to hug you, you idiot,” Jason said with a sigh, his arms finally uncrossing, but held firmly at his sides.

“It’s fine, Jay,” Dick said, moving to stand back up. “We’ll get there.”

He kept his back turned as he heard Jason push back from the table, muttering something about going back to sleep, knowing the younger man would see if for what it was: a sign of trust and not one of dismissal. They still had some things to work out, but all in all, Dick was grateful to have his little brother back. And he’d take whatever scars he had to in order to keep it that way.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I love all your kudos and comments and I'm happy to answer questions and engage over on tumblr - you can find me at gothamsgrace.


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